


Kiss Me Goodbye (I’m Defying Gravity)

by lucernis



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Attempted Murder, Guardian Angel Deceit | Janus Sanders, Nonbinary Deceit | Janus Sanders, Other, Self-Sacrificial Behavior, Stab Wound, blood mention, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26824501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucernis/pseuds/lucernis
Summary: Roman falls, so Janus does everything in their power to catch him.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	Kiss Me Goodbye (I’m Defying Gravity)

**Author's Note:**

> no one talk to me or my nine current wips ever again <3 ~~actually no one Mention my nine current wips ever again either thanks <3~~
> 
> anyway!! this was inspired by [this piece](https://aidensm8.tumblr.com/post/628486989770096640/i-hope-im-not-too-late-for-winged-sides) and the tags on it by [@aidensm8](https://aidensm8.tumblr.com/) so the Most love to them for creating it <3
> 
> warnings in case you didn't catch the tags: attempted murder, blood mention, stab wound, death mention, self-sacrificial behavior

Janus hadn’t reached the top of the tower fast enough. They hadn’t made it to the edge of the tower fast enough, either. They hadn’t been able to stop the traitor from throwing their knife at Remus, hadn’t been able to stop the crown prince from standing there, frozen in shock, and they hadn’t— hadn’t— 

And they hadn’t been able to stop Roman from diving in front of that knife, hadn’t been able to stop it from burying itself in his chest, hadn’t been able to stop the blood from seeping from the wound and staining his pure white clothes with red.

The world had moved in a slow-motion fog after that, they remembered—Janus thought they must’ve screamed, and Remus probably had too. Roman, though, he couldn’t do more than stand there, swaying slightly as he stared down at the knife and the blood and the way the world spun around him. 

Moments later, Roman had stumbled backward and Janus had realized that they’d be frozen in place with horror, doing nothing more than watch the events in front of them unfold. They blinked, and the world continued to move at a painfully slow pace as they understood what was happening. They might have screamed again as Roman’s legs caught on the parapets of the tower and his back curved into an arch as he fell over the side of it, eyes going wide and arms reaching up to grasp at something, anything. 

Janus began to run then, though each step they took felt next to impossible with the way time was moving. They were still too far away to do a thing though as Roman caught Remus’s sash in his hands, too far away to shake Remus from his shock at the action and help him pull his brother back to safety. They were only close enough to hear the whisper of, “Catch me, Janus,” as Roman’s last hope of saving himself tore away from Remus’s body and he dropped towards the ground.

They didn’t even realize they’d made the decision to do something until they were standing atop the parapet and Remus had grasped their hand tightly, gazing at them in confusion, but really, it wasn’t as though Janus had ever had any other choice. They _needed_ to save Roman, one way or another, and if the only way to do so was to leap into the unknown just as he had, then that’s what they would do. That decision had been made whether or not they’d been conscious of it.

“What are you doing?” Remus asked quietly, and though Janus thought the answer was fairly obvious, they replied anyway.

“I’m going to save Roman.”

“Janus, you can’t _fly._ Your wings—”

“—are still wings, mismatched or not. I have a better chance of saving him than he does of saving himself, at least. I _have_ to try.”

“You’ll _both_ die! I don’t want— I don’t want to lose—” Remus cut himself off, too choked up to continue.

Taking pity on him, Janus interrupted before he could get any farther. “Me neither.”

“Then _please_ don’t do this. Janus—”

They gave a deep sigh. “I am here to protect Roman. You know that, I’m sure. If there’s a chance that I can now, I don’t believe I will be physically able to _not_ take it.”

Remus gave them one last desperate look. _“Please.”_

Janus turned away, clenching their jaw. Realizing they couldn’t promise Remus anything at all, they said simply, “Be a dear and take care of the person who tried to murder you, if you’d be so kind.” 

With nothing more left to say, they pulled their hand from Remus’s and dove off the edge of the tower, the wing of an angel and the wing of a serpent both pulled tight to their back.

Janus fell through the clouds, arms held out in front of them, already reaching for Roman though he wasn’t anywhere in sight. They had to reach him _soon,_ or it would be too late for them to even attempt to slow his fall.

It could have been seconds or minutes or eons before Janus finally passed through a cloud far to close to the ground and saw Roman falling below them, eyes closed and lips slightly parted, Remus’s sash still clutched in his hand. He looked almost peaceful, the wind causing his clothes to flutter around him ever so gently and his hair framing his face as though it were a halo and _he_ was the angel out of the two of them. 

Janus had to shake themself to stop from being too distracted to concentrate on actually catching Roman, blinking out of their brief reverie as they reached down and scooped him into their arms, pulling him close while still being careful not to push the knife in any further.

“Roman,” they said, voice almost entirely lost to the wind, “wake up, _please_ wake up.”

Roman didn’t wake up. He just continued to lie there, as beautiful on death’s doorstep as he’d always been.

Janus tried not to think for too long about that as they spread their wings out as wide as they would go, trying desperately to slow their fall. It worked, but they still weren’t falling slow enough that they’d be able to survive an impact with the ground.

“Roman,” they whispered again. “Roman, I need—”

They paused. What was the point of waking him up now anyway? It wasn’t as though he’d be able to do anything to save them. _He_ couldn’t fly, _Janus_ was the one who was supposed to be able to do that. Waking Roman just before he died would be unnecessarily cruel—it was better to let him stay comatose at this point. Their reasons for wanting to see him awake one last time were entirely selfish, after all. They didn’t need to wake him.

And this way, Janus found themself thinking, they’d be able to cushion Roman’s fall without him arguing against it. 

Before they prepared to position themself to do just that though, Janus couldn’t help but gaze longingly at Roman’s face, letting their eyes drift briefly to his lips for a few precious moments, completely in awe of his beauty. Their heart ached with the desire to kiss him—a desire that had plagued them for so very long—but it was too late to ask for that now. They’d settle, then, for this final act of sacrifice and a featherlight kiss on his forehead, left with the hope that Roman would never learn what feelings had truly driven them. 

Still holding Roman as gently as they were able to, Janus allowed themself to rotate in midair, careful to shift Roman ever so slightly against their chest so that when they landed, the knife wouldn’t be driven even deeper into his heart.

Roman stirred then, moving about in Janus’s arms. They held him tighter, assuming he was still passed out and making sure he wouldn’t fall away from them. 

“Janus?”

 _Shit._

It seemed he _wasn’t_ still passed out.

“What are you doing, Janus?” he asked, blinking slowly and turning his head slightly to see their face.

“I’m saving you.”

“But I’m fi— I’m _fine,_ what’s happening? Why are we falling? Janus, why are you holding me like this? You didn’t fall before me, I remember that much, so why are you—”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you— are you trying to save me by breaking my fall?”

Janus was silent. 

_“Janus.”_

“…That’s certainly a possibility that exists, isn’t it?”

“Don’t _do_ that.”

“I don’t have much of a choice if I want to save you, darling.”

“You have _wings._ ”

“And they don’t _work,_ you know that.”

“They _could._ ”

“Roman, dear, please don’t make this more difficult than it is.”

_“I don’t want to lose you.”_

“I don’t want to lose you either, but this the best chance we have at even one of us surviving.”

_“Janus.”_

“I can’t do anything more than this, Roman. If I could, I would. Believe me.”

“You _can_ fly.”

“No—”

“I believe in you. _Please,_ Janus, you _have_ to try.”

At this point, the ground was approaching at an alarming rate. Janus spared one final glance behind them before looking back towards Roman. The prince stared back with eyes full of such love and hope that Janus knew they couldn’t— _wouldn’t_ —fail him. 

“Okay,” they murmured finally, giving in as they turned away from Roman’s utterly enchanting eyes and holding him as close to their chest as they could manage. “If this doesn’t work—”

“It will.”

“—I should tell you now that I love you, Prince Roman, more than words can say.”

“I love you too,” he responded, and Janus knew somehow that he’d meant it in the same way they had. “Now, love… _fly._ ”

And for the very first time in their life, they did.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ratherstareyed) || [tumblr](ratherstarryeyed.tumblr.com) || [tumblr post](https://ratherstarryeyed.tumblr.com/post/631097761191821313/kiss-me-goodbye-im-defying-gravity)
> 
> cömmentes? spare cömmentes pretty please?


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